COASTING TO VICTORY

YOU WILL BE PLEASED TO KNOW I HAVE SOLD ALMOST ALL THE CABINET POSTS.

AS I HAVE STATED MANY TIMES, YOU NEED NOT PAY ANY MONEY UP FRONT. ONCE YOU ARE IN OFFICE, AND START COLLECTING "KICKBACKS" YOU WILL HAVE FIVE (5) MONTHS TO PAY ME THE PRICE OF YOUR OFFICE IN FULL.

SOME OF MY CONSTITUENTS HAVE SUGGESTED NEW CABINET POSTS, SUCH AS "DIRECTOR OF CONCESSIONS" IN THE WHITEHOUSE. THIS POSITION WAS SOLD FOR $300,000, TO BE RENEWED AND PAID EVERY SIX MONTHS. THE DIRECTOR WILL FRANCHISE CONCESSIONS, (I.E.) HOT DOG STANDS, NOVELTY SHOPS, ADULT MOVIES (DVD'S) ETC. THINK OF a POSITION YOU WOULD LIKE TO ESTABLISH AND YOU WILL RECEIVE A LETTER ADVISING YOU OF THE COST AND THE RULES AND REGULATIONS.

THIS WEEK OUR PRESIDENT IS TRAVELING THROUGH SOUTH AMERICA. SHAME ON CHAVEZ FOR NOT INVITING HIM TO VENEZUELA FOR TEA. WHEN I AM ELECTED, CHAVEZ WILL HAVE TO CLOSE ALL HIS CITGO STATIONS IN THE U.S. WE WILL THEN, EXPORT OUR ETHANAYL (Have to learn how to spell it) TO HIS COUNTRY AND PUT THEM IN ALL HIS 8/12'S. (VENEZUELAN CONVENIENCE STORES LIKE OUR 711'S) HE WILL NEVER KNOW WHO IS DOING IT.

BEEN A QUIET WEEK INSOFAR AS NEW CANDIDATES THROWING THEIR HATS IN THE RING. FORMER MAYOR JULIANO SAID HE WOULD NOT RUN BUT OBVIOUSLY HIS WORD WAS NOT KEPT. NO MATTER, HE IS A FINE MAN AND I WELCOME HIS COMPETITION, AS WEAK AS IT IS.

I STILL BELIEVE IT WILL NARROW DOWN TO MC CAIN VS/ BIDEN AND ME OF COURSE REPRESENTING THE DEFICIT REDUCTION PARTY.

AS YOU KNOW OUR SLOGAN IS "THE GOVERNMENT MONEY CAN BUY" BUT WE ALSO NEED SOME CATCHY ADVERTISING TITLES SO THINK OF SOME AND SEND THEM TO ME AND THE BEST FIVE WILL RECEIVE:

A DEFICIT REDUCTION LICENSE PLATE FRAME
AN EASY TO REMOVE BUMPER STICKER (ALTHOUGH I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU WOULD DO SO)
A CAMPAIGN BUTTON
A BOX OF C.C. LEE'S SECRET FORMULA TEA LEAVES. (RECIPE HANDED DOWN FROM GENERATION TO GENERATION) THESE FAMOUS LEAVES ENABLE YOU TO FORECAST THE STOCK MARKET
A PHOTO OF CHAIM CHIN LEE SITTING ON HIS FAMOUS INHERITANCE, THE FAMILY RICKSHAW

ALL ARE SHIPPED PREPAID EXCEPT THE TEA LEAVES WHERE FREIGHT AND HANDLING TOTALS ONLY $12.00. THE LEAVES ARE FREE.

SO IT IS OFF TO VICTORY AS TIME DRAWS CLOSER. IN THE NEAR FUTURE WE WILL GET SOME TIPS FROM SOME NOTED REPUBLICANS ON HOW TO VOTE MORE THAN ONCE.

HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, BE CAREFUL OF ICE IF YOU LIVE IN THE SNOW BELTS AND HOLD SOME COFFEE CLUTCHES TO GET YOUR FRIENDS POISED FOR THE BIG DAY.

aL HOFFMAN
YOUR NEXT PRESIDENT